Choosing Forgiveness

Wow, It has been so long since I have written, to be honest I have sat down several times and just couldn’t put in to words all that has been going on. God has me on an incredible journey right now, He is teaching me so much about what it looks like to live in a state of forgiveness. In leaving to travel with Life Action I realized that the past several months I have been “in” churches but I haven’t had to deal with the pain of not being in “my” church. I realized that with each church we went into, I would gather the hurt from that church and just construct another wall around my already high barrier. I have been building up walls for years, and in the last several months the construction has accelerated. You see, everything that happened last summer was just the beginning, I kept thinking that if I just avoid the hurt, the pain, if I ignore the betrayal it would all go away. What I recently realized is that I can’t carry that burden, my shoulders weren’t meant to carry the weight of an entire churches disobedience. I realized that I was holding onto a lot of bitterness, but because it was so deeply suppressed I didn’t notice it until this illustration finally clicked with me - Holding onto bitterness and anger is like holding on for dear life to pieces of broken glass, its only going to hurt me, and the harder I hold on the deeper and more messy the wounds become - I wasn’t doing myself or anyone else a favor by holding onto my anger. It was destroying me inside. I have learned that I do not have a say or choice in what happens to me, the only choice I have is how I am going to respond. I have discovered that I am a hurt person, and hurt people, hurt people . . . I don’t want that to be me, I don’t want to walk through life thinking that every church will hurt me, or that I can’t trust those who care about me. You see the last church we were at had some very wounded and injured pastor’s kids. As I walked in obedience to what God was asking me to do in extending forgiveness and asking for forgiveness for the anger that I had been harboring He allowed me the awesome opportunity of sharing my story with other hurting pastors kids. You see, I’m not the only hurt person and I’m not the only pastors kid who has been wounded by a body of believers. You know I didn’t have the words to make it all better, I didn’t have some equation to heal the hurt, BUT I do serve a God that is so much bigger than any hurt or pain we will experience. That truth gave me the power to just hug those girls and cry with them, to remind them that even though our families serve a perfect God, we minister in a fallen world with sinful people. It doesn’t diminish the pain, but it does give perspective, so the question then is “Do those wounds - past or present - have to define who we are, where your healed or how you get there?” The answer is no, I do not have to be a prisoner to my wounds. I don’t have to hold the glass anymore, I can release it and allow God to heal the wounds!

Well on a much brighter note : ) as a team we have been able to go to so many awesome places and see so many cool things! We have visited White Sands, the Grand Canyon, we drove through Las Vegas, we were able to go skiing in New Mexico, and so much more, it has been awesome being out west! God is moving and working in the churches, the last church we were at in AZ just exploded with testimony of what God is doing! Restored marriages, restored parent/child relationships, reconciliation between church members, renewed dedication to the Lord and his word. It was such an encouraging week, I think I now know the fullness of how God can use our ministry! Praise the Lord for HIS goodness, a verse that I have been clinging to is Phil. 4:13 - I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me! I have been wanting to mail out a letter, but I can’t access my account right now with the ministry to retrieve the addresses, so when that is fixed I will be sending out another letter update! If you can please continue to pray for the ministry of life action and for me and the team as we finish up the travel year and a lot of changes will be taking place. Just pray that God will provide the money needed for me to get home at the end of the ministry year and that He will sustain me throughout the next few months! God is so faithful and I am so thankful to be his child. Praise the Lord that He doesn’t give up on us!

How are We Going to Run the Race?

2 Timothy 4:7

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

This is my prayer, this is my goal . . . That at the end of the battle I can say, I have fought the fight, finished the race, kept the faith! As believers, where has our passion gone, where is our conviction, our enthusiasm for faith, for the Lord. We are in a battle, a war, with the enemy and most times I don’t even think we care, we as believers are being slaughtered by the schemes of the devil and don’t even know it. Or is it that we do know it but its just too much work to do anything about it. Each day how many times do we allow the little things, the “little sins” to grab hold of us and rob us of our joy, of our testimonies? I know I do, each time I gossip, or allow my negative attitude to get the better of me. Each time I put myself, my opinions, preferences, my stubborn will before others. I don’t know about you all, but I do that every day, multiple times. Yet how often do I ask for help, how often do I excuse my sin, how often do I write it off because its not a “big sin” The fact is, we only get one shot at life, one opportunity to live a life worthy of what God has asked of us. One go around to make much of Christ, so as I sit here today, I ask myself . . . “is that how I live? Is that how I make my decisions? Or how I treat my brothers and sisters in Christ?” Jesus gave it all, everything he had, HIS LIFE so that we could have a relationship with him, so that we could have eternal security yet how much time do we spend with HIM?

2 Timothy 2: 15

Do your best to present yourself to God, as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.

Farmington, New Mexico

Welcome to the beautiful state of New Mexico!
It's coming up on the end of our stay in Farmington, but what an adventure, what beauty we have been able to witness here! The church has been so friendly and receptive! My kids in Happy Heart City were full of energy and enthusiasm! The pastor informed us when we arrived that it this part of the country is very dark and heavily influenced by drugs, abortion and suicide. It is a hard place to live due to the presence of the Indian reservations and the beliefs that come with that. On our last Sunday here, after hearing the youth cry out for influence in their lives, Ryan (our main speaker) had all of the youth come to the front and then asked the rest of the congregation to surround them and lift them up in prayer. It was so humbling to recognize a generation reaching out for love, morals, acceptance, purpose and meaningful relationships! I don't think that issue is just here, I think that is an issue all over the country, we have this generation of youth that are so confused about, responsibility, marriage, love, purpose, and God. So many parents are so consumed with their own problems and agendas that they don't even realize that they are paralyzing their children's futures. We need to take initiative with the youth of our culture, they need to be mentored, they need to see examples of Godly men and women to give them a hope for their futures! It was a wonderful week of serving the Lord, and working alongside a church desiring growth! Don't ever settle for being a stagnant christian, overcome complacency and pursue depth with the Lord.

El Salvador & Honduras

Many of you knew that after thanksgiving my team was taking a trip to San Salvador, El Salvador! It was awesome, we had the opportunity to stay at the Shalom Children’s Home. We were able to spend our evenings with the children there, ages ranging from birth to 18. They loved having us there with them, plating soccer, jumping rope and then in the evenings doing a mini chapel with music and a lesson. During the day we went down the street and helped with the construction of a medical clinic! We moved several thousand pounds of brick, up three levels! It was a lot of hard work, but so very rewarding to see the accomplishment at the end of the week! We also had the opportunity to go and minister in a local church on the weekend, to do kids clubs and spend time with the people. The language barrier made it a little challenging but it was totally worth it! It was refreshing to be in a place where material possessions didn’t rule their lives, where simplicity was acceptable, where relationships were genuinely valued! It was a beautiful reminder of the real priorities of life!

So you all knew that I was going to El Salvador, but you may not have known that after the team left I had the amazing privilege to travel to Honduras to visit a man who is now my boyfriend! I was able to spend five days with him, enjoying every minute of it! He teaches at The Academia Los Pineras in the capital city of Tegucigalpa! We had a blast and I am so thankful for the time that I was able to spend with him there!